Dear Abby: My son is engaged to a girl we all love, but recently, there has been a problem. My husband was at their house while my son's fiancée was getting ready for their date night. (They live 10 minutes away from us, and my husband has been visiting frequently since his retirement.) When she was done, she came downstairs, told my husband she was leaving and asked my son to follow her to the car. My son said nothing at that time. This made my husband very upset because he loves spending time with our son, who is our only child.
Later, my husband and I talked to her, and said we didn't like her attitude. She responded by saying that she objects and that my husband talks nonsense and is oblivious to the fact that other people don't always have time to talk to him. She then told me about several instances where my husband called my son late for something. When we asked our son, we were surprised to find that he agreed with her too! He said that he himself doesn't want to talk about it because it makes him uncomfortable. My husband likes to talk, but I don't consider it an issue.
Abby, I am concerned. I find her behavior very inconsiderate. I don't want my son to marry a domineering woman who orders him around and refuses to listen to us. She said she would only talk to us about it if we agreed to meet with a counselor to discuss “all our issues.” I didn't know we would to pass My son never said anything before, but when we asked, he said he agreed with it. What should we do? — Shocked in-laws
Dear In-Laws: Take a step back and stop trying to defend your husband and your son, who should have spoken up before his fiancée did this. If you want to build a relationship with your son and his future wife, follow his suggestion that the two of you see a family therapist together. If you do this, it may give both of you a chance to air your grievances and come to a compromise that may satisfy all of you and prevent more problems like this in the future.
Dear Abby: For several years I have traveled with my cousin in two time-shares. She is now in her mid-70s and has become irritable and unpleasant. She often complains about various health problems, and there may be some dementia involved. I am more of a calm person, so this annoys me, especially during vacation when I want to relax. I really don't want her to come. How do I talk about this in a kind way? She gets emotional. — Ready for change in Texas
Dear Prepared: When the topic of the holiday comes up with your cousin, tell her that you notice she is not feeling as well as before and ask what her doctor is doing about it. If she says she has not talked to the doctor about it, tell her that you would like her to do so. First The two of you travel together because it has become clear to you that she no longer enjoys these vacations, which causes you to enjoy them less as well.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
