Dear Abby: My husband is sad. Five years ago, he was fired from his job of more than 25 years, and his minor problems with depression, alcohol, and smoking had rapidly escalated. He sleeps until 10 or 11 in the morning, bathes only two or three times a week, eats rarely and has a drink in his hand by 4 or 5 in the evening every day. He now suffers from COPD but has no plans to quit smoking. He would never consider therapy.
My husband’s weight and muscles have reduced so much that it has become difficult to even recognize him. It seems that he misses sex, but even if he moves on, the physical lack of it will make him sad. Anyway, I’m not interested anymore. He was never an affectionate person, but now his personal hygiene is poor, his breath smells of alcohol and his hands smell of tobacco.
Beyond the quiet sadness of the house, it is difficult for him to go out. He has difficulty climbing stairs, walking long distances, and even ordering from restaurants. I think he’s trying to hasten his death. I honestly feel like there’s nothing I can do that I haven’t already done. I’m fine, but numb. Do you have any advice for me? , disappointment in kansas
Dear Disappointment: Your husband feels like he has nothing to live for. You mentioned that it seems like he misses sex but now his condition is so bad that you are no longer interested in him. Have you told him that the reason he is no longer interested in you is because he is no longer the person you loved, and a big step in the right direction would be for him to consult his doctor about his depression? If the answer is no, consider giving him a “carrot.” If he’s willing to try to get back on track, you may feel differently.
There are, in fact, nicotine alternatives for those addicted, helping users ingest less harmful byproducts. People with COPD can do some exercise with the help of supplemental oxygen, this topic should also be discussed with their doctor. That said, the bottom line is that your husband has to help himself. If he doesn’t do this, it may be time for you to locate the nearest Al-Anon group (al-anon.org/info) and attend some meetings, which will help you recognize that his self- Destructive behavior is not your responsibility. And only he can help himself.
Dear Abby: A longtime friend is now widowed and no longer has time to reach out. I’ve invited them to coffee and dinner and sent notes of support. She waits days, even weeks, to respond and has other social tasks to do. I understand loss and grief, but it feels like “no.” Go away,” with a harsh hand. I think it’s time to leave. Correct? , unexpected in indiana
Dear Unexpected: You may have overpowered this woman in your attempt to console her. Depending on how long ago she lost her husband, it might be better for you to step back and let her regain her balance. The more you push her, the more she will turn away.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
