Private islands are never quite what they are made out to be.
In the movies, that is.
A group of 20th-century immigrants have to take the hard road in director Ron Howard's survival drama “Eden,” a madcap sand-based soap opera that premiered Saturday night at the Toronto International Film Festival.
Based on an incredible true story, this film is just like the 1929 season of “Survivor.”
Humanity is going through its darkest times, as people form alliances, switch sex partners, fend off wild boars and face monstrous villains. Eventually, there is a winner. A lone survivor, if you will.
Howard and screenwriter Noah Pink told the cheesy tale of Floreana, a deserted island in the Galapagos.
First come a German couple, Dr. Friedrich Ritter (Jude Law) and his wife Dora (Vanessa Kirby), whose Swiss Family Robinson-style exploits become the talk of Europe when their letters are published in the newspapers.
Inspired by his heroic courage and trying to escape the rising tide of fascism are Heinz Wittmer (Daniel Brühl), young bride Margarethe (Sydney Sweeney) and their son Harry (Jonathan Teitel). They are a cold group, even to the Germans.
When the Witmers arrive on land, they are dismayed to discover that it is not Club Med. There is no discotheque, but there are only two fresh water springs and the land is too fertile to farm.
But with American Gothic restraint, they set to work building a haven and a new life – only without the help of the philosophy-minded Ritters, who are outraged by the invasion of newcomers.
The bad thing is that more intruders will come.
The Wittmers are followed by Eloise Bosquet de Wagner Wehrhorn (Ana de Armas), a high-on-her-supplies baroness who has the look of a serial killer. She is accompanied by two gentlemen, Rudy (Felix Kammerer, the wonderful star of “All Quiet on the Western Front,” who might have been in even bigger movies) and Robert (Toby Wallace). She sleeps with both of them – in full voice.
The evil Eloise, who makes Goldfinger look cool and cautious, wants to build a grand hotel called the Hacienda Paradiso, which starts out looking like the Fire Festival.
Everybody hates everybody. They steal food, are jealous of each other's houses and sometimes even threaten their neighbours' lives. The danger increases even more when a baby is born and a Hollywood film producer visits.
All of that madness actually ended, only I think the dialogue was a little less clunky.
When oil tycoon and film producer George Allan Hancock visits, Eloise asks him, “You live in Hollywood?”
Hancock replies: “I own Hollywood.” What a verbal anvil this is.
“Eden” is never less than interesting, though, and is made even more so by its A-list cast rolling in mud and looking incredibly attractive.
As great as these actors' personalities are, their differences add to the animosity. De Armas' Baroness embodies extreme greed, which annoys Law and Kirby (who always appears in a trance), who are thoughtful and independent-minded academics. Law's documentary is a satirical donkey, which the actor has mastered.
Sweany works against her genre – from “Euphoria” and romantic comedy to full-blown hausfrau. The actress is compelling and her childbirth scene is so wild that even Shonda Rhimes would praise it.
De Armas' character is a total weirdo on paper, but she needed to be made more human. She has a sweet, fleeting conversation with Harry and then she becomes the Wicked Witch of the East Pacific.
He's still fun. And Howard has made his funniest and most creatively successful movie since, gosh, “Frost/Nixon”? He's not back to the peak of the 1990s and 2000s — there's a kind of absurdity to “Eden” — but it's refreshing to see him relax a bit and not be so serious.
This hellish island has done a lot of good to him.
