A Reddit user who found out she was invited to a wedding but with significant strings attached is right to feel hurt and confused, an etiquette expert told Fox News Digital about the scenario.
“Invited to a wedding, but there’s a huge catch and I’m in utter shock,” posted “EdenCapwell” on the “r/WeddingShaming” and “r/AmIWrong” subreddits on July 11.
In the post, the user said that she and her husband were recently invited to a wedding and that when she opened the invitation, “a little note fell out on an index card.”
At first, said the woman, “I was beyond stoked. I love weddings.”
Although she initially ignored the index card, once she looked at it, she found a rather surprising note. While her husband was invited to the wedding and reception, the note indicated, “I’d be in another room helping to babysit all the children there with several other female invitees.”
“There’s a special room for children at the church and that’s where I’d be. For everything. I’d still need to dress for a wedding in case I wind up in any photos, but I’d be taking my reception meal with the children and I’d be with all the kids for the ceremony,” she wrote.
“Then there was a link for their gift registry.”
In addition to being told she would have to babysit, the woman and her husband were also informed that “the meals for my husband and myself would be $100 each, and we have a link to pay for it when we digitally RSVP.”
She added, “The first problem here is that I am disabled at 50 years old.” She added that she is on oxygen and relies on mobility aids at times.
“I’d be pretty useless to prevent a fall or stop a child from choking or anything else that would require me to move quickly,” EdenCapwell wrote.
The second problem, she wrote, is that she, not her husband, has been friends with the soon-to-be married couple ever since she was a child.
“Why would he be invited to watch the ceremony and be part of the reception but not me? My husband said he’d happily watch the kids and let me attend the wedding and reception, but the invitation specified that only other female invitees would be watching the kids, so I doubt they’d let him,” she wrote.
“I grew up with the bride’s mom as an almost-sister to me. We went to school together, graduated together, worked at the same place twice, and have been super close since,” she said, writing that she felt “gobsmacked” by the invitation.
“I was expecting an invitation, sure,” she said — “but not like this.”
The woman asked other Reddit users for advice about what to do in the situation, especially given her health issues that she claims the couple knew about.
“I confess that I feel offended and hurt that I’m nothing more than a babysitter to them who is expected to pay for my supper and babysit for free,” she said. “Would I be wrong to simply tell them we won’t be able to attend and to find another sitter? And if we don’t go, do we still send a gift?”
Fox News Digital reached out to EdenCapwell for any updates on the situation.
An etiquette expert told Fox News Digital on Wednesday that the situation was very awkward and that the woman who shared her story on Reddit was right to be upset.
“Sending an invitation to a wedding or any event traditionally meant that they were being invited as your guest, not an attendee,” California-based etiquette expert Rosalinda Randall said.
“Receiving a wedding invitation that includes instructions, duties and a link to a payment plan is not an invitation,” she said. “It is a job post that they have assumed you’ll accept.”
This kind of invitation, Randall said, would make most people very upset, as well as “probably mad and bewildered.”
EdenCapwell has “several choices” about how she can handle the invitation, Randall said.
She could decide not to attend the wedding at all but should “send a gift with a nice card,” Randall said.
Alternatively, EdenCapwell could also “decline babysitting duty, pay for [the] meals and have a good time” — or, she could “attend only the ceremony, sit in the back of the church and sneak out at the end of the ceremony.”
Reddit users largely agreed with Randall, saying that this kind of invitation is absolutely not normal and that EdenCapwell is correct to feel hurt and confused.
“That is the tackiest thing I’ve ever heard of. Asking guests to provide free child care, pay for their meal, and give them a gift? Hell no,” said a Reddit user in the top comment to the post.
“I would just ghost these people. They might have been your friends, but they aren’t good people, and they aren’t people you are going to want in your life anymore, because this kind of behavior will continue and escalate,” the same user added.
Other Reddit users had rather humorous suggestions as to how EdenCapwell should respond to the invitation.
“You can reply … that there must be some mistake in the invitation. Your current rate for babysitting is $20 per hour, per child. Can she please get back to you with the number of children she has been assigned?” suggested user “OldPolishProverb.”
“I’ve thought about this, and I think I’d show up to babysit, and then lead the other [babysitters] and kids in some sort of epic wedding crashing disruption,” suggested user “mangogetter.”
