The key tenets of any happy relationship would probably be love, loyalty, respect and adjustments. All equally potent.
But out of all these, adjustment is the tricky one – when made in perfect proportion, they can bring tremendous stability in a relationship but when adjustments become extremely one-sided, you can be absolutely assured there’s trouble right around the corner.
Here are 7 kinds of adjustments that we’ve normalised in relationships but just aren’t fair:
1. Spending less time with friends and family
Yes, your partner is and should be your priority but that does not mean that you choose to spend time with them over meeting your family and friends. Especially if your partner isn’t keen on meeting them.
We may think we’re doing what every happy couple does everywhere in the world but we’re actually sacrificing every other relationship we have, to make this one work better. How’s that okay?
2. Sacrificing work opportunities
Many times in your life you’ll have to choose between work and your personal life. A promotion or new gig that needs you to spend more time at work. Or a new opportunity that’s taking you to another city. A lot of these times, you’ll choose to prioritise your personal life and decline those enticing opportunities.
But if you find yourself doing it every single time, especially when your partner is never made to do the same, ask yourself if you’re the only one choosing love over your passion.
3. Doing more household chores
If your partner is busy with a major presentation, it’s okay to take their load off. If they’re caught up with some work emergency, it’s fine to go grocery shopping alone. It’s all good once in a while. But if you find yourself doing this on a regular basis, do note that it’s not some adjustment you’re making, but setting a pattern instead.
Two people in a relationship should both do things equally. Nothing else can be the norm.
4. Planning their day basis their partner’s availability
You know your relationship is completely lopsided if you’re the one charting out your days based on your partner’s schedule, while they continue to go about their time without taking you into the same kind of consideration.
Again, doing such things once in a while is fair but when this becomes a ritual, that’s when you know you’ve been making way too many sacrifices in the name of adjustments.
5. Not prioritising self-care activities
That visit to a spa you’ve been wanting for a while? That trip with your besties you haven’t taken in so long? Or even that book that’s patiently waiting to be read? All this and much more is just as important as everything else because if you can’t take care of yourself, then how will you take care of your relationship?
6. Not letting your partner know when they’ve messed up
A lot of times we tend to avoid having a confrontation with our partner for fear of a heated argument that could lead to a bigger conflict. And that’s where we go wrong!
While trying to maintain peace in our present dynamic, we allow those issues to fester. By asking ourselves to adjust right now, we ensure that those behaviours become a pattern and it only ends up harming the relationship in the long run.
7. Faking an interest in things and/or people
It’s absolutely normal to not have the same interests as your partner. It’s also completely fine to not get along with the same people as they do. What’s not fine is to fake an interest or pretend to like those people. It’s not an adjustment – you’re basically showing a side of yourself that doesn’t actually exist. And that can’t be good for any healthy relationship, right?
