When Ellie Gonsalves shared a list of all the reasons – 118 of them – why she doesn’t want children, she was branded vain, selfish, and even, bizarrely, an “unfit mother”.
“People have put me in the Cruella de Vil category and think I hate children,” the Australian model told Stellar, out today.
“But I love being able to cuddle my niece and nephew. I love cute kids. But there’s no element where I think I would love this for myself. There’s nothing about having my own children that’s appealing to me.”
The 33-year-old, who has five million followers across Facebook and Instagram, sparked a massive conversation about society’s views on motherhood when she posted the list to social media last November.
“After years of being asked why I don’t want children I compiled this as it always seemed a short reason was never good enough or understood,” she captioned the “very HONEST personal list as to why I will remain child-free”, written in the notes app of her phone.
“So, this is in more detail for those asking. It’s my own PERSONAL thoughts based on a lot of my own experiences or things very honest people have shared with me personally or online. Some people are made to be parents and that is amazing (I am so happy if you are happy!!!!) but that life is just not (for) me.”
While there were plenty of detractors, Gonsalves told Stellar she also received an outpouring of grateful messages from women who felt the same, but were too afraid to speak up for fear of being ridiculed.
“It’s like people get offended that I’m saying I don’t want to live their life, and then go into this defense mode of trying to change my mind,” she added.
However, Gonsalves hasn’t been deterred from speaking out, and explaining parenthood isn’t the only path in life.
“It’s important for me to be a voice for those people. It also might give others a bit more empathy and understanding towards people who say that they don’t want to have children,” she said.
“Maybe it means people might choose their language a little bit more selectively next time before they start jumping into trying to change someone’s mind or saying we’re selfish.
“Hopefully it just gives those people another side to another story to that life decision, which is so huge. Why am I not given the same respect as women who say they want to be pregnant and have a child?”
Gonsalves, who has been with her husband, Ross Scutts, for 15 years, said the two of them “have worked really, really hard for peace”.
“Now we just don’t care to disrupt that peace,” she said.
“Bringing another human into our dynamic would massively change that, and I don’t want to play second banana to a baby.”
A strained relationship with her own mum, she said, has also contributed to the decision.
Speaking to The Courier Mail this week, Gonsalves reflected on the last time they spoke – a phone call in 2015, shortly after the suicide of her beloved dad, “that snapped me”.
“I was done. It was very hard, but I knew I was making the right decision for my own life,” Gonsalves said.
“It took that moment when my dad passed away for me to just be like, you know what, I’m not going to accept it anymore. And it set a standard in my life.
“That was a real pivotal turning point in my life. I didn’t just lose my dad, I actually made the decision to walk away from everything that I knew, that I was comfortable with.
“People should have wonderful, supportive families. But that’s not a reality for a lot of people.
“Sometimes it’s just not good for you and realising that and taking that on board and making that decision for yourself is the best thing I ever did, truly.”
Read the full interview with Ellie Gonsalves inside The Sunday Telegraph (NSW), Sunday Herald Sun (VIC), The Sunday Mail (QLD) and Sunday Mail (SA).
