Dear Abby: My husband and I have three grown children, all of whom still live at home. I always thought that once they graduate college and get a good job, they should start paying rent. Because my husband had to pay rent even though he lived at home, he said he would never do the same to his children.
Our oldest, “Samantha”, is now 31 years old. She has a well-paying job and drives an expensive car. She doesn’t do anything around the house but buys her own food and toiletries.
The other two help tremendously around the house, often without being asked. Samantha will sometimes do something, but I have to ask several times, and it usually takes weeks to complete. She can’t afford to move out because she has huge student loan debt. Plus, why would she move around when she’s rent free and can come and go as she pleases? Even his dog lives here for free.
At my request, my husband and I have discussed this many times, and it causes arguments between us and creates resentment in me towards him. I can’t implement anything without their support because, apparently, my opinion doesn’t matter, so I just stay mad and wonder why I’m here. How do I make him realize how wrong he is and ultimately stop our daughter from walking all over us? , disappointed in new jersey
Dear Disappointment: Disagreements over child rearing have destroyed marriages. Children should never be allowed to come between parents, as appears to have happened in your case. That your husband makes you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter is terrible. Does this disrespect extend to other aspects of your relationship besides this disagreement? At 31 and gainfully employed, your daughter should have started taking on some responsibilities for herself years ago. Discuss this with a licensed mental health professional, and you can learn to be more assertive.
Dear Abby: I am in a relationship with a lovely man. He respects me, appreciates me and accepts me (flaws and all), and we get along really well. He is another part of me.
Things are wonderful, except that lately his breathing has been really bad, like bad teeth or something. I’ve always been a quiet, shy person, never bring up things that bother me (the father of my children abused me for many years), and I feel uncomfortable speaking up. But Abby, her bad breath drives me crazy. When he tries to kiss me, I give him a few kisses, but the unpleasant smell disgusts me.
How do I address this tactfully and respectfully? I don’t want to embarrass him. How do I bring this up? , closed in massachusetts
stop dear: bring it forward No Not as a criticism, but because you love and care about him. Do it for yourself, not for yourself HimThere may be a problem with his teeth, gums or digestive system. For the sake of his general health, he should be examined first by his dentist and possibly later by his doctor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
