Dear Abby: I had four children when I was 24 years old. My oldest child is a senior, while my others are a second-grader, an eighth-grader, and a seventh-grader.
I sometimes feel like I am going through the grieving process now more than ever because they are getting older and time is running incredibly fast.
Is it normal to feel sadness and grief as your children grow up, knowing that they will be gone in a few years? My oldest daughter recently joined the army and left after her last year of high school.
I became a mother at such a young age that it’s the only thing I’ve ever known and dedicated my life to (besides being a wife and health care worker).
Is what I’m feeling normal and if so, does the emotional part of it ever get easier?
I pride myself on being the best I can be as a mom and provider, and I’m having a hard time – especially with my oldest child – knowing that I have to let go. – Mom invested in Tennessee
Dear Mother: People experience “empty nest syndrome” to varying degrees. You are a successful parent, but you are also much more than that.
You have raised your daughter to (young) adulthood and prepared her for independence. That was your job.
She’s not dying, you’re not losing her and she’s not “disappearing over a sand dune.”
Now he has a chance to use the skills you taught him to build a successful future.
dry your tears. be proud of who you are. Be proud of that. Now that your children are grown, find activities that will enrich your lives. You have earned it.
Dear Abby: I recently got engaged and am thrilled to marry such an amazing man. We communicate well and have never argued until now.
Weddings are expensive, and we agreed on a budget. We will pay it ourselves.
Once we started considering all the costs, we quickly realized that we would have to reduce the number of guests or increase the budget.
I am completely against stretching the budget to accommodate family members whom my fiancé hardly talks to. I wanted a small wedding anyway.
He feels obligated to invite all of his family members, and I don’t understand it.
I love her, but why are we forced to overextend ourselves for people who will never be a major part of our lives in the future? – Frugal Future Bride in Florida
Dear bride-to-be: Be glad that you are having this argument with your fiancé so early in your engagement.
I say this because questions about priorities and how money is spent are among the leading causes of marriage breakdown.
Although this may increase the expenses related to your wedding, if both of you get premarital counseling it can solve many problems in the future.
There may be other ways to cut costs rather than just shortening the guest list, especially if your fiancé feels that his family members might feel insulted by not being invited.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
