Dear Abby: A friend retired, moved house and gave me his well-paid, once-a-week industrial cleaning job. This covers a large portion of our bills. My husband, who agreed to do the job with me, annoys me by coming in late every week.
We have to be there after business hours at 5:30pm so we don't interrupt anyone while they're working. I have to remind my husband Everyone on wednesday we should be at job. This leads to fights. He sets his own hours at his other job. He can work when he wants and leave when he's done. I was raised to believe, “If you come in early, you're on time. If you come in on time, you're late.” His attitude is, “Why should we worry about when we arrive?”
I'm angry that he doesn't respect how important this job is to me. I'm his boss when it comes to this jobsite. How can I handle this? I'm so exhausted. I can't lose this job, and I can't do it alone! It's HIPAA-protected, so no one can do this to me. — Time Out in the Midwest
Dear Time Out: How important is it that you start work at exactly 5:30? Will all the work get done if you start at 6? I know you are strict about being on time, but who sets the working hours? You and your husband may have fewer arguments if you become more flexible.
However, if the problem persists, remind him that the extra income helps pay important bills. If this doesn't motivate him, stop bickering, contact the friend who gave you a job and ask if he has any suggestions about someone who can do your husband's job. I wish you all the best.
Dear Abby: We've lived in our working-class urban area for decades. We've always been friends with our neighbors, including a young couple with a baby living two doors away. We only socialize with them when we see them on the street and we gave their daughter a onesie for her birthday last year.
Right before the pandemic, they bought a rescue dog, which they often let loose in their backyard. The animal barks incessantly for hours, making it difficult to be outside in our yard. We are home most of the time, and my partner is a gardener, so he is outside for long periods of time.
What is the best way to deal with this? Our friends who know more about dogs than we do tell us that it is impossible to break dogs of this habit. Do you think that because we haven't complained they think we are okay with it? We want to be good neighbors. — This is not okay in California
Dear Not Well: Dogs have been shown to bark due to separation anxiety. If your neighbor is out of the house and their dog is causing a problem, and you haven't said anything about it, you or your partner should let them know. The conversation doesn't have to be confrontational, but unless you move the conversation forward, nothing will change. You Go ahead and shout about it. Do it now, before you lose your mind.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
