Dear Abby: I am not an attractive woman, and never will be. I accept that, and I don't mind that men don't find me attractive. My problem is that my friends want to do hot-single-girl events. They are all very attractive. When they try to introduce a guy to me, obviously the guy is not interested and feels uncomfortable. How do I politely tell my girlfriends to stop trying to be my wingman? I don't feel right about them watching from the sidelines at all. — No beauty queens in Colorado
Dear No Beauty: I'm sure your girlfriends have good intentions, and I'm sorry you've had to face rejection. We live in a visual society, and unfortunately, not everyone is willing to look below the surface. I don't think you should give up on the idea of meeting someone special, but it can't happen through these hot-single-girl events.
Tell your girlfriends that you no longer want them to treat you that way and why. Although some people meet their spouses at bars, others need to do it differently. If your friends know that their attempts at being cupid have led to more pain than pleasure, I'm sure they'll understand why you feel okay with “standing on the sidelines and watching.”
Dear Abby: The married couple I met six years ago had a vacation home near ours. We became friends and had dinners and drinks together and did a variety of fun activities. After her husband passed away, it was just the three of us.
When I'm not around our vacation home and my husband is, he feels it's still appropriate to do something with this woman – just the two of them. He includes me in plans, but if I'm not willing to make the three-hour drive (I work; he's retired), he goes out on his own, although he always asks me if it's OK. I don't feel comfortable saying, “No. Stay home alone like me.”
I don't trust him, nor do I trust him, because we don't have much in common, such as education or hobbies. We are not good friends, although he is kind and good-natured. I feel very angry and resentful towards my husband and his behavior. He constantly insists that this is a platonic friendship and nothing more.
I have said countless times that we should get a divorce if he wants to stay with her. He insists he has no such intention, and that he does not want to divorce me and stay with her. I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it. I am thinking of hiring a private investigator to get to the bottom of this matter and free my mind of these feelings. What should I do? — Former suspects
Dear Suspect: What makes you think this woman is after your husband? If it will make you feel better, hire a private investigator. However, if your suspicions prove wrong, it is time to consult a licensed psychotherapist to help you overcome your deepest insecurities.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
