Dear Abby: I recently attended the funeral of a family member. During the 90-minute service, my nieces and nephews (ages 3 to 6) were running around the church. His parents said nothing and allowed him to proceed.
After the service, we were all invited to sit down and dine in the banquet room of an upscale restaurant. Then, the children (ages 3 to 13) were allowed to run around on the dance floor in the center of the room, screaming and body-slamming each other. The noise became deafening, regardless of the older attendees. Again, the parents seemed oblivious to the noise and did nothing to stop them.
My son is getting married in two months. Many of the children who attended the funeral will attend the wedding. How can I address the fact that I don’t want the same performance from these kids at the wedding and reception? My husband and I are investing a large amount of money for this event, and I don’t want to leave early because of the deafening noise and embarrassment. – Fear of it in Colorado
Dear I am afraid: I don’t blame you for not wanting anyone, regardless of age, to interfere with your son’s marriage. Now that you are aware of the behavior and lack of discipline of young relatives, you have to deal with it head-on. Inform parents that this behavior will not be tolerated or welcomed. When you get a response (and you will), all you have to do is explain what happened at the funeral and the dinner that followed.
Dear Abby: I recently realized that, even if she didn’t want to admit it, my mother gave birth to me to take the place of my older brother, who was kidnapped through legal means for lack of a better explanation. Was taken. Loopholes in the court system were exploited in the ’80s. Understanding this helped me understand why I always felt like she was angry at me for not being like me. I grew up in his shadow – I know he tried his best not to let me see, but I was smart enough to realize it.
Should I talk to my mom, who is still in denial that living a state away from her is extremely difficult because she is so close, or should I accept that there is no end to the matter when I Not sure if this is even possible? – Capped in New Hampshire
Dear Overshadow: Regardless of how you came to this realization, have you tried talking about it with your mother, who may not know that this is going on in your mind? Unless you talk to him about your feelings and ask if he’s willing to discuss all of this with you and a licensed family therapist, you won’t know that it’s possible to get closure. Or not. I’m keeping my fingers crossed in hopes that she can help you calm it down.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
