Dear Abby: My husband died a year ago after a nine-year battle with dementia. I recently met a man, “Richard”, whose wife is in the late stages of dementia, which may last several months or several years. We have fallen in love with each other and are perfect for each other.
We are keeping our relationship away from their children because dealing with their mother’s slow death seems too painful. Richard’s siblings know and are thrilled to see their brother finding some happiness again. My family knows, but their evangelical Christian stance is black and white – to them, I am an “adulteress.”
It’s sad to be away from my family, but when I’m with Richard I feel happy and hopeful. Should I cool it until his wife dies? We’re in our mid-60s and we’re afraid of running out of time. Well, Richard is financially well off. He pays a team of caregivers to stay with his wife during the day, and at night he stays with her. He wants to keep her in his home as long as possible. I admire him and love him. Am I wrong? , waiting in the south
Dear Wait: You and Richard are in your 60s – you’re not over the hill at all. He spends time with his ailing wife and makes sure she is taken care of when he cannot be with her. If you find comfort in each other and his wife is not neglected, I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. Again, I am not an evangelical Christian. However, if you feel it is necessary to live your life according to standards other than your own, discuss this with Richard, and perhaps keep it “cool” until his wife leaves.
Dear Abby: My girlfriend of five years has a 28-year-old daughter, “Courtney”, who hasn’t liked me since day one. She never tried to get to know me and was rude and disrespectful from the beginning. His mother ignored it and did nothing.
We’ve gotten to the point where we want to get married, and Courtney says we won’t be invited to share the holidays with her, and she’ll never visit us. In fact, whenever Courtney calls her mom, if I’m nearby, she hangs up with her mom. Her mother is now suffering from psoriasis and is losing her hair due to stress. She is afraid of losing her daughter and is ready to end our relationship.
I told my girlfriend that her relationship with Courtney is toxic and that she needs to step back until Courtney is ready to go to therapy and make improvements. With the exception of the issues created by his daughter, we have a wonderful relationship – a love that neither of us have ever experienced before. What should I do? , road block in florida
Dear Roadblock: As long as Courtney is allowed to dictate how her mother lives her life, you two will not have a successful marriage. Unfortunately, the power play Kourtney is making isn’t that unusual. Ask your girlfriend to attend premarital counseling, where a licensed therapist can help her free herself from Courtney’s control. I’m not promising that it will work, but it is the best chance you have for a successful future together.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
