Dear Abby: I am a 20 year old woman and I have been dating my man for two years.
I love her very much and want to spend the rest of my life with her. He plans to propose before the end of the year and we plan to get married next year.
Sex with her is fantastic. However, my libido is very active (probably similar to that of a teenage boy), and I would love to have sex every morning, day and night.
On the other hand, if he does it once a week, good for him. I feel deprived and sad. We have discussed it, and he claims he knows he needs to improve, but there has been no change.
I don’t know if I’d want to say “I do” if marriage to him was like that. I am now scared of him proposing because I am not sure I will be able to marry him if he is not as interested in sex as I am.
Sex is a very important activity in my life. I had amazing sex with my previous boyfriend and I’ve really thought about contacting him. (I will not cheat.)
Should I compromise? I don’t want to miss having sex as often as I want. This doesn’t seem fair to me. I don’t want to end the relationship because she is everything I want.
He’s a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, funny, adventurous, but has almost no sex drive. Can you provide any insight? – Sad situation in Mississippi
Dear Sad: You are young and, I believe, there is not a big age difference between you and your boyfriend.
When this otherwise ideal man pops the question, your response should be that before accepting his proposal, you would like the two of you to have premarital counseling.
During a few of those sessions, bring up the disparity in your sex drive. There may be more than one way to solve your problem.
Discuss this with a licensed sex therapist who can help you figure out how you can satisfy your lover more without feeling “forced to perform.”
Dear Abby: I became a grandmother 20 years ago. My first grandson was biracial, and I suspect that’s why my best friend, “Dori”, never accepted him. When I sent her pictures through mail several times, she remained unaware.
Now, 20 years later, Dori has finally become a grandmother through adoption. Although I’m happy for her, it hurts that my four grandchildren have been neglected. I have sent generous gifts to the children.
How do I get over my anger without making a fuss? I don’t want my grandchildren to ever meet them, because I think any interest would be passive curiosity, not sincere. Dori never even asked me his name. – Bitter in California
Dear Bitter: Why do you call this woman your “best friend”? From what you have written, Dori stopped being your friend 20 years ago.
You thought about sending a “generous gift” (or any gift) to his grandson. As I see it, there is more than one way to deal with this situation.
First, Dori has to express her feelings. The second is to continue living your life without him in the lead role.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
