Dear Abby: Our friend “Carrie” told our close group of friends that for the past few years she has been having an affair with her best friend “Julia’s” husband. Their children are best friends, and they spend a lot of time together, even on family vacations.
We have told Carey several times about the impact this could have on the children, which she acknowledged, but the matter continues. It’s getting harder to keep this dirty secret because we love Julia, but no one wants to be the messenger. Should we tell Julia, or wait until it inevitably comes out? , rotten in rhode island
Dear Rotten: Are you sure Julia doesn’t know anything about this affair and hasn’t ignored it? Julia has children who still live at home. If you spill the secret, how will it affect the intact lifestyle they probably enjoy? If you don’t want to hear any more about Carrie’s kidnapping, tell her you don’t want to know any more. But when it comes to revelations, I vote to keep my mouth shut.
Dear Abby: My son and his wife have been married for three years and have an 8-month-old son. She stays at home to take care of the child. My son also works from home. He has now taken up a second job to make ends meet, so he works three days a week from 7am to 3pm and then from 5pm to 10pm and returns home at 11pm
His wife believes in co-sleeping, which means she sleeps in the bed with the baby, while my son sleeps on a mattress on the floor. This has been going on since the birth of the child. My son also does 80% of the cooking. They live a thousand miles away, so I can’t help. He is almost his slave. I don’t want to say anything, but I would like their marriage to last. What should I do? , Concerned in California
Dear Concerned: The last thing you need to do is interfere. Unless your son complains to you about this arrangement, stay away from it. If the situation becomes unbearable, your son will deal with it.
Dear Abby: It’s been five years since I left my position as a professor at a small graduate school. After 30 years of teaching, and two years short of my announced retirement date, I was laid off. I didn’t do anything wrong. The reasons given were vague. I was deeply saddened by the lack of concrete explanation.
There was no severance pay and no benefits. I lost a huge amount of income at a critical juncture of my life, but no one thought about it. My heart ached for a long time. I still can’t muster the courage to forgive the dean and president of the school. But somehow, I feel like I should do this. How can I be free from bondage? I have truly moved on in many ways, but I cannot forgive. , still hurting
Dear Sadness: Here’s how to avoid getting stuck: Find a competent attorney who specializes in wrongful termination and discuss what was done to you. Follow the lawyer’s advice, and when you are fairly compensated, you will be in a much more forgiving mood than you are today.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
