Dear Abby: A close male friend, “Will”, ended our friendship without warning. I had no idea he had such strong feelings about my current relationship. I am dating a married man, “Bart”, whose wife suggested he should get a girlfriend if he wanted sex/intimacy/companionship. She also told him she would “never want to sleep with him again.” It's been 10 years since they last were intimate or even shared a bed. They don't live together; Bart lives in his guest house. They have a son, which is why he doesn't want to leave.
As a parent, I understand. That's why I stayed in my marriage for so long. The circumstances are less than ideal and it's something I never thought I'd be a part of, but I haven't felt this good in years. My ex-husband and I have never been this compatible. When I'm with Bart, it's magical, and I think it's mutual.
Will has broken our friendship because of my decision. He did it all over text. I told him about it two weeks ago and he advised me to be careful. He called Bart and I “traitors”, but it's not like that at all. I am deeply saddened by this loss. I want to know if Will is wrong or I am. — No Cheaters in Arizona
Dear Cheater: Does it matter who is “right or wrong” at this point? Your friend Will does not approve of your relationship with Bart because of his marital status and has decided to distance himself from it. That is his prerogative. You made the adult decision to get involved in this relationship, and it cost you a friend. Live your life, but don't be surprised if others feel the same way Will does.
Dear Abby: I've been dating a wonderful guy for the past six months. Our relationship is great, but he has an ex-wife who is much younger than us (16 years difference). He started seeing her when she was pregnant by someone else. He stayed with the child until he was 3 years old, but, given the circumstances, he takes the child with him for weekends, etc. He is not on the birth certificate, but the child only knows him as his father.
My problem is the ex-wife. She constantly calls or texts him asking for money or saying she bought something for the little girl. She has invited him over to hang out, and recently, she has asked him to co-sign to buy a new car for her.
I don't agree with the lack of boundaries, and I've said so. He listens to me and I've told her to back off multiple times, but she doesn't listen. It's causing arguments between us. The baby isn't his real baby, but that fact obviously isn't changing anything. Should I just walk away? — Third Wheel in the East
Dear Third Wheel: Your boyfriend is clearly attached to that little girl. You can't change that, nor should you try. That being said, he's still with you, despite the fact that his ex is trying to get him (and his financial support) back. Whether you should grit your teeth and bear it is not something I can answer. However, your boyfriend can do it, and whether you should walk away is a question you should ask him.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
