Dear Abby: I have been married to a wonderful person named “Alice” for a year and a half now. This is the second marriage for each of us.
My elder children are alone. Alice has three boys (ages 15, 21 and 23) who live with us. The oldest is autistic.
My husband and his ex-wife, “Mia”, share joint custody, but our home is the primary home.
Mia is believed to give birth two days a week and every other weekend. Our kids come to our house after school because she works and the law is that if there is child care, both parents have to pay equally.
Mia takes full advantage of our kindness and usually doesn’t pick up the kids until 9 p.m. Sometimes, she is not visible at all, which leaves all of us upset.
Ellis refuses to talk to Mia about it as it ends in an argument and he says he can’t get her to do anything.
He will not go back to court to hold her responsible due to the cost and the fact that he does not want the boys to see him take their mother to court.
This situation is stressful, and Alice gets angry with me when I tell her she needs to confront Mia or make arrangements to drop the kids off at her work on her work days.
I am tired and this is putting a huge strain on our marriage. I’m not sure it will survive if it continues like this. Please tell me what to do. – Stressed Stepmom
Dear Stepmother: Does your husband know how strongly you feel about this? It is too late for a frank conversation between you two.
Although your husband may not want to spend the money, the answer to this problem may lie in a lawyer’s office.
The fact that Mia does not follow the custody agreement may change the amount of money required to be paid to her, or vice versa.
His two “children” are now adults. Has there been any discussion about when and if they will live independently?
The youngest child is just a year away from legally being able to drive himself to his mother if she can’t take him. All their responsibilities should not fall on you.
Dear Abby: What do you think about the situation in which close family members and close friends spell my daughter’s name wrong? She is now 22 years old.
We recently celebrated her college graduation, and I was surprised to see her name scrawled on the cards. This has been done to him for years.
Abby, her name sounds similar to a common name, and I deliberately wrote her name on invitations and messages, etc.
It bothers me, and she’s already struggling to teach others how to pronounce her name, let alone write it properly.
I feel a lack of care or respect that they don’t take the time to be reassured. Am I right –– misspelling in New Jersey
Dear misspelling: How do these friends and relatives treat your daughter? If they treat him well, sorry for spoiling the name you gave him.
She is an adult now, so from now on let her fight her own battles, rather than alienate her from the people who care about her.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
