Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for less than a year, and I’m pregnant with our first child. Our baby was planned, and we were thrilled.
As I reached my second trimester, something changed with my husband. If I read something about pregnancy and try to share it with him, he immediately brushes me off, telling me not to believe everything I read or that I’m wasting my time. Am. He doesn’t want to install anything in the nursery either. He keeps saying that we don’t need to do this until a month before the baby is born.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding, but friends have stopped talking to me now and I feel very isolated. The other night, my husband invited me to dinner with friends. One of them said that being pregnant is the most selfish thing a woman and my husband can do AgreedI am still hurt by the comment. While the man apologized for saying this and clarified his position on the subject (everyone was drunk except me), my husband has not apologized. He refuses and says I am a fool to be so worried about this.
I am at a loss here. We planned for this baby and I thought it would bring us even closer. Now I feel incredibly alone and sad. Why would someone say something so cruel and why would my husband agree with her instead of taking my side? -Expect more in New Jersey
Dear Asha: Pregnancy is an exciting and challenging experience for everyone concerned, and your emotions may run high. Although your husband was initially excited about the idea of starting a family right away, it’s possible that during this second trimester he has recognized the reality of the responsibilities that come with becoming a parent. It’s also possible that, because of your excitement about your pregnancy, it has become the main topic of conversation, causing your friends to withdraw.
The comment, which was made that evening when the two of you were out with friends, was probably prompted by too much alcohol and not enough good judgment. Your husband may have agreed because he is jealous that your body has been “co-opted” by the baby. Not knowing him, I can’t guess why he continues to refuse to apologize for this.
I feel like you will feel less isolated if you find an older, more experienced female friend or relative to guide you through this challenging period. Also, keep track of your medical appointments to make sure everything is progressing normally.
Dear Abby: I was born deaf in the right ear. No matter how many times I remind the people closest to me, they still get angry with me because I ask them to repeat what they say. It is especially difficult for me when their back is turned to me. Any tips on controlling your anger? Yes, it bothers me because of my hearing challenges. – listen as best you can
Dear Shravan: Keep reminding people that they need to talk into your “good” ear and when you’re seated, make sure the people you’re interested in conversing with are sitting to your left. If you do this, it may be less stressful for all of you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
