Dear Abby: My husband's uncle died by suicide in his home six months ago. This was a shock for the entire family. Since the funeral, we have helped her settle her affairs, including cleaning out her house to prepare it for sale.
My husband's cousin sister (uncle's daughter) is finding it difficult to cope with the demise of her father and has decided to buy a house and live there. She has not sought grief counseling and uses social media as a therapeutic outlet.
Many people in the family believe that she is making a mistake out of grief. She wants to celebrate family functions and holidays there. Those of us who helped clean the house don't want to go back there. The damage is still fresh, and the memories of that scene are still fresh.
How can we tell this cousin that we are uncomfortable going to her house without hurting her further? We want to be supportive, but it is very difficult to go back to the place where they ended their lives. – hit in missouri
dear hurt: Your husband's cousin is trying hard to deal with her grief, no matter how wrong her way. Everyone has been supportive, but someone needs to talk honestly with her and tell her that what she's fantasizing about isn't going to happen.
The person closest to them – the family – needs to talk openly about their reluctance to come home again. Once she finds out, she will be less eager to buy her father's house. Yes, she could probably use some grief counseling, and it's available to families who have experienced that kind of trauma. One resource that can help is the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org), but the poor, grieving woman has to be prepared to ask for it.
Dear Abby: When I am invited to a friend's house for dinner and asked to bring dessert, I always make something fresh and delicious for that evening. Lately, I have been noticing that many friends, when invited to my house or another friend's party, are bringing half-baked sweets from the previous evening's family dinner.
I think this is rude. It's as if they're saying, “You're not worth the effort.” Is this a new trend, or am I being too sensitive? – irritated in idaho
dear irritable: You're not very sensitive, and if this is a new trend, I haven't heard of it. Many hosts serve fresh food to their guests and take care about how it is presented. What I mean is that it's not half-eaten and doesn't look like leftovers. If the “several friends” doing this don't have time to prepare something to bring, they should buy something and bring it complete.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
