Dear Abby: My wife and I are 80 years old, we have been married for 61 years. We are financially well off and we also have some medical problems. As we approach our departure from this earth, we have prepared the necessary legal documents to distribute our assets. So, what is the problem? My spouse is a “collector”. We have many wonderful china settings, sterling silver and beautiful linens. At one time, we set a beautiful table.
Today old age has overtaken us. Most of those invited have left. But my spouse and I are living the same way we did 50 years ago, and that’s bothering me. Nobody wants our stuff! Now is the time to divest ourselves of those assets that someone else may have an interest in and take them out of our hands. My spouse refuses to leave AnythingThere’s always an excuse to maintain chaos.
I saw it in my parents decades ago. If he came in the front door, he did not go out again. Why are people so addicted to things, and what can be done to reduce my anxiety? – ready to go to san francisco
dear ready: Consider this: Every piece of porcelain and crystal, every pattern of silverware and all the items people thought necessary to create a beautiful home (and life) has precious memories attached to it. Where you see clutter, your wife sees happy years spent achieving and entertaining her.
Because these items are no longer being used, they can be placed in boxes “just in case” they are needed again. Photograph them so you have a record of what they are, and discuss with your wife about possibly donating them to a charity thrift store. Although you are right that today’s youth are not as keen on formal entertainment as members of your generation were, there are still people around who recognize quality and value who might be interested in getting some of this.
As far as your concerns are concerned, discuss them with your doctor and, if necessary, ask to be referred to a therapist for some consultation.
Dear Abby: I have a wonderful, intelligent 19-year-old daughter. He is a junior in college in another city. She has always been very thin. We have taken him to doctors to get it fixed. He diagnosed a vitamin deficiency and suggested she eat more nutritious foods along with prescribed vitamins.
My question is, is it okay to force food on him after he barely eats? She gets full quickly and doesn’t always take her vitamins. I don’t want him to push himself away from me by insisting on eating more. – Mom Care in Texas
dear mother: I do not recommend that you impose food on your daughter. If you do this, it may make her rebellious. However, I think it might be a good idea for you to do some research about eating disorders, since your daughter may also have this disorder.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
