DEAR ABBY: My daughter is graduating from college with a bachelor’s degree — a proud moment. I am divorced from her mother. Both her mother and I are invited to attend the ceremony, but she has not invited my current wife, whom she doesn’t like. She has stated that she has only a limited number of tickets and wants to invite her mom’s close relatives.
This has put me in an uncomfortable position, as my wife feels left out and aggrieved. I can either insist to my daughter that she has to invite my wife or I won’t attend, or I can go, insisting to my wife that this is a significant moment in my daughter’s life and I need to be there. What should I do? — CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CONFLICTED: If your current wife had a hand in the demise of your marriage to your first wife, I can understand your daughter’s dislike of her. If it’s a personality conflict, she shouldn’t be shocked that she wasn’t invited.
I agree with you that your daughter’s college graduation is a significant milestone. I understand why you feel the need to be there to celebrate it with her. Explain to your wife that you would like her to “be the bigger person” and send you off to the ceremony without adding to your problem. Then do what your heart tells you to do.
DEAR ABBY: We have five grandchildren. All but one call me MeeMaw. I’ve been MeeMaw since my first grandchild was born 15 years ago. Four years ago, our third grandchild was born, and the fourth arrived the next month. This fourth grandchild was calling me MeeMaw until one day when she started calling me MeeMawMeeMaw, which my child’s spouse told me “started out of the blue.”
It soon became apparent this grandchild was being told to do it. This is the first grandchild for her other grandmother, who has decided she is going to be called MeeMaw and I would not be.
At first, I tried to let it go, but as time goes on, it’s really bothering me. It would have been fine for us both to be MeeMaw, but I think it’s wrong for someone to tell my grandchild they can’t call me what I’ve been called for many years and what all my other grandchildren call me.
I don’t want to cause problems, but this is causing me great stress. What should I do, or how can I get through this? I have been given a nickname that I didn’t ask for and that I don’t like. — RENAMED IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR RENAMED: Lady, you have FIVE grandchildren; the other grandmother has only ONE. If it’s important to her that this child calls only her MeeMaw, be generous. Let her have the honor. It won’t mean the child has less love for you. In the words of Shakespeare, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
P.S. “MeeMawMeeMaw” is quite a mouthful. It doesn’t take a crystal ball to see that, in time, the kid will shorten it by one MeeMaw.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
