Like many parents of pre-teens, drew barrymore He delayed giving a mobile phone to his 12-year-old daughter Olive for a long time.
And then, like many parents, she eventually gave up after doing a lot of research”Dumb Phones” (i.e. devices without apps, social media, etc.).
It only took a few days for him to deeply regret his decision – and it was all because of a shocking discovery on his daughter's device.
Even without access to social media.
Drew succumbs to peer pressure
In an Instagram post titled “Phone Home,” the childhood star candidly revealed how she succumbed to pressure and gave her daughter a mobile phone before she was even sure they were both ready for the milestone.
“I am writing (very vulnerable) to expose myself as a parent,” her post begins.
“This is personal for me. As a child I often wanted someone to say 'no' to me. I wanted to rebel all the time, and that was because I didn't have any safety net. I had too much stuff, and eventually it became a real challenge to say 'no.'
The mother further explains how she has always been in favour of the word “no” for both her daughters, Olive and Frankie, as she considers it important for them to have the childhood she didn't have – a structured childhood.
“Now that I'm a mother, I can't believe I'm in a world as aware as I am of this, due to my personal mistakes and those of many of my peers who got caught up in too much too soon.”
“Kids should be kept away from this kind of thing. Kids should be protected. Kids should hear 'no.' But we as caregivers in a modern, fast-moving world are living in an a la carte system where every adult has little computers in their hands that imply it's OK to be connected to a device that is literally a portal to everything.”
The dangers of such a life became apparent when Drew didn’t say “no” and handed his daughter her first mobile phone.
“All of her friends were facing the age-old problem all parents face: the logic of comparison,” she says.
“And so, on her 11th birthday, she received a phone that could only be used on weekends and for a limited time, with no access to social media.”
Why did Drew take away his 11-year-old's cell phone?
Just three months later, Drew made a shocking discovery.
“Over the course of three months, I collected data on messages and behavior. I was shocked by the results,” she admits candidly.
“Life depended on the phone. Happiness was contained in it. The source of life came from this mini digital box. Moods depended on the device.”
Wanting to put a stop to “these high-stakes emotions,” Drew decided to do the unthinkable.
He printed out the text and data and showed it to his young daughter so she could explain why he no longer had the device.
“I gave him a stack of pages and said this is not some black void where these travel. They are somewhere permanent where we cannot see them, so we do not believe in its return and harmful nature if we fail to act digitally decently,” she says.
“I made sure she knew she was a good person and that this was not a condemnation of her character. She's awesome, and I totally understand her desire to be a part of all of this. Even if she doesn't have any desire to be.” Social media On his phone, to be honest… it could have looked like a great party, and I was taking him away from it — not because he had done anything wrong, but because it just wasn’t time yet.”
“And I came to the conclusion that I'm not willing to allow my kids to have phones.”
An important “experiment” of life
Drew further explains that she has no regrets about the decision to give her daughter a phone, but rather sees it as an important lesson for both of them.
This lesson sparked a little passion in this star mom to find a way to help kids stay connected to the digital world, without making it work against them.
And until she finds a way to do so, the answer will be “no.”
She ended the post with a plea to other parents who aren't sure they should be, to not be afraid of being the unpopular parent in their homes.
“I want parents to know that we can live with the inconvenience of waiting for our children,” she stresses.
“We can be maligned and we know what we are doing now is a safer, slower and more robust way.
“I'm going to be the parent I needed. The adult I needed.”
