Nine years ago next month, I stood in line with hundreds of other members of the press before an early screening of “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens.”
Andy Cohen was on 68th Street to see what happens tapeAnd I saw at least one panelist from “The View” — the TV types who go into hair and makeup, we mingled with the critics who lurked in cubicles.
The energy was nuclear. It’s been a decade since “Revenge of the Sith” ended Hayden Christensen’s sand-hating tenure, and the nerds were hooked and ready to go.
“A long time ago…”
The room exploded. Every throwback and original-trio cameo gets a round of applause. The crowd comes out buzzing, and their readers and viewers catch the bug, too. The film grossed $2 billion worldwide.
Imagine. Well, it’s almost 10 years later, and I haven’t had to wait in line for a “Star Wars” movie since. Now there will be no sight of Andy or Joey in the evening. (That’s a little okay.)
The truth is that we have been force-fed so much that no one cares anymore. Frankly, I’m tired of that galaxy far, far away.
The four films that followed “Awakens” — “The Last Jedi,” “Rise of Skywalker,” “Rogue One” and “Solo” — ranged from intriguing (“The Last Jedi”) to war crimes (“Solo”). They generated less anticipation than the new Wegmans.
And yet, five years after the last film, it is reported one more The “Star Wars” trilogy is already in development.
Please, keep me encased in carbonite until this futile exercise in Hollywood greed comes to an end.
Consider Disney, which snapped up Lucasfilm as an empire in 2012. They’ve taken one of the greatest brands in all of American cinema and plundered it and created a riot. They’re a corporate death star, turning good ideas into dust like poor old Alderaan.
Fear the IP-gobbling wrath of Darth Igar. He and Lucasfilm CEO Kathleen Kennedy have overseen Overkill. I could write an entirely separate column on how they took out 80-year-old Harrison Ford for the cinematic waterboarding that was “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.”
The landfill of “Star Wars” TV shows, movies, games and theme parks is practically Kamala’s texts. And sending “STOP” messages to quit won’t work – very hungry for our dollars and completely devoid of creativity, these are evil number-crunchers.
I will admit that the Disney+ series “Endor” was smart, as were the first two seasons of “The Mandalorian.” Cute little Baby Yoda was a meme in a good way.
But there have been seven live-action series so far – at least five more – and several animated ones. Most are canceled after one season, like “The Acolyte”, so I’m guessing about six people are watching them.
Away from the screen, Disney opened a $2,500 per night “Star Wars” hotel It was shamefully discontinued because it was so poorly thought out. An angry YouTuber made a four-hour video blasting the establishment.
Twenty-five years ago, who would have predicted that the public would be fed up with “Star Wars”?
The brainchild of George Lucas used to be special. It’s hard to overemphasize the enormity of the release of “Episode I: The Phantom Menace” in 1999, as it was 16 years after “Return of the Jedi.” We waited an eternity for George Lucas to introduce Jar Jar.
Despite the silly murmurs, there is great satisfaction to be found in the moment when a film finally comes out after a long wait.
Now, it takes barely 16 weeks for more streaming content to arrive in our queue with bearded men whispering in the desert.
How sad is this?
In fact, one of the only franchises that is confident enough to keep fans engaged is James Bond.
Apart from a short reality TV show and various non-Ian Fleming novels, 007 has concentrated on pistol-centric films. And, though there are hits and misses, EON Productions doesn’t treat them carelessly.
For example, Daniel Craig’s last appearance in a tux, the very good “No Time to Die,” hits theaters in 2021. No new super-spy actor has been officially announced yet, so the earliest we’ll be shocked is a British-accented Not-Stirred Martini of 2026.
fantastic. That’s half the fun.
As the clock ticks forward, rumors begin to fly. People place bets on who will be the next MI6 agent. Plot details leaked from script draft. Pictures of wild paparazzi stunts emerge from exotic locations. Prelude is a great foreplay.
“Star Wars,” on the other hand, prioritizes instant gratification. More, more, more. now now now.
Although, I say from my best Yoda impression – not gratifying, it is.
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