A man took to Reddit after a miscommunication between himself and his wife over his inheritance became apparent.
While the man maintains that the inheritance is entirely his, due to both of his parents passing away, his wife has begun to share her ideas on how to spend it – but she has no intention of sharing. Not there.
Now, he’s asking others – is it wrong for him to have the final say on how the money is spent?
“My legacy is mine, not ‘ours'”
“Years ago when both my parents started showing signs of dementia I was gifted a “s-t-ton” worth of stock. “Cut to this year and both of my parents have passed, and I’ve inherited another big chunk of money in a variety of accounts,” the man began.
“To make a long story short, my wife thinks half is hers, and she has ‘ideas’ about how to spend it all. “It has never been linked with the joint fund.”
The man began asking fellow Reddit users how to attack the situation, and whether or not he should say anything.
“If I tell her clearly that my inheritance is mine, not “ours”, will I get into trouble, and although I am willing to comply with her wishes, how to spend those funds “I’ll be the final authority on this,” he said.
“We have a great marriage and have never had a serious disagreement about money.”
“Why do your plans include or exclude each other?”
Many commenters on the post immediately jumped to the wife’s defense, asking why their finances aren’t shared — especially when, according to the poster’s responses, the two have been married for 35 years.
“I don’t know about you, but in our house we don’t share anything, and we don’t divide it between us. This is our mutual matter and we decide by mutual consent what to do with our resources,” said one commenter.
“The real question: Why do your plans include or exclude each other? My husband and I also inherited money from our parents. In terms of land, his land is much more than my land. But all our plans are based on our dream house, our travel/cruise plans, our children’s future, our savings etc. Even where our plans are more individualistic, like his office (a big one with staff) and my office (a small chamber), or a business plan (commercializing the land/farmhouse, renting it out, etc.), It’s always us as a team,” another agreed.
“We discuss and argue like a normal couple. But it never comes to our mind that it is his or my money. It has always been ours.”
Others said it would depend on what his ideas about spending the money really are, and how that fits with the amount of money he receives.
One said, “If she wants to spend the money on a home that will set her up for a lifetime rather than a splurge, that makes a huge difference.”
“Depending on the amount of money and his request, I will hold out until necessary. If I got 10 mills and she wanted to redo the kitchen, I’m sure she wouldn’t redo the kitchen,” another said.
“Why not discuss things?”
However, almost all comments agreed that some kind of conversation is needed between the two.
“Are you in partnership or not? Of course, it’s your money, but you should have a conversation with your wife about how to spend or save it. You are married. “Anyone making unilateral decisions is an a-hole,” one commentator said.
“My husband and I are in a similar situation. When his grandparents died he was gifted a lot of money and property. I haven’t claimed half and haven’t decided how to spend it. My husband didn’t even scream “Mine” and submit it like a python. We sat down and talked about family goals and financial goals,” said another.
“If your marriage is good, why not discuss things and use the money to invest in your future and meet some needs together? She shouldn’t be greedy and she doesn’t deserve half as much, but work with her!”
“If you lead off with “my”, I can see how she’d automatically think you’re an asshole,” a third agreed.
“Instead, lead with “This is my plan for what to do with the money.” Since you’re happily married, I think you should tell him why too – about the future, retirement, long-term plans. Talk to him and if he starts pushing his ideas, gently shut them down. Luckily, he’s shown his hand, so you’ll be able to refute them with solid arguments. If she continues to push or argue, stop her altogether.
