There are two battles being fought in Francis Ford Coppola's astonishing “Megalopolis.”
One conflict is between a visionary architect named Caesar (Adam Driver), who wants to rebuild the fictional American city of New Rome into a futuristic utopia, and the greedy mayor Franklin Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito), who values profit and pleasure.
And another war is raging in front of the screen. Who is the opponent? The audience's passionate desire to enjoy the potentially final film from the talented director of “The Godfather” and “Apocalypse Now” versus the obvious reality that his new film is a disaster.
As with every bad movie that teeters on the back of good intentions, you can guess who will win.
“Megalopolis,” for all its lofty ideas, is impossible to like. It takes an army of willpower to even modestly admire this cacophony of concepts.
Coppola began with a forceful lecture. “Our American republic is not all that different from old Rome,” narrator Laurence Fishburne said, adding that we can “fall prey to the insatiable hunger for power of some.”
Nearly every line in “Megalopolis” could be followed by “The defense holds!”
The writer-director's backdrop is clearly New York – the license plates say Empire State and there are gladiatorial spectacles at Madison Square Garden – but it's called New Rome.
The familiar city and retro film certainly have the soft-focus weirdness of 1990s New York City.
There's sloppy Art Deco everywhere. The women wear Halloween togas, and the men look like “guys and dolls” gamblers going to a funeral. The elaborate aesthetic doesn't make it any less ugly.
Despair and Destruction stars Driver as Caesar, a renowned architect and inventor of Megalon, an indestructible elemental being with untapped potential for construction and healthcare.
Dustin Hoffman's Nush Berman denounces the material during a public meeting on plans for New Rome. “No, no, no! Concrete, concrete, concrete!” he yells loudly.
Caesar recites the entire “To be or not to be” monologue from “Hamlet”, giving us a taste of the story to come. God knows why. Well, we, the audience, certainly bear the brunt of the slings and arrows of the outrageous film.
Shakespeare's classic words are a stark contrast to the final scene, in which Jon Voight, as Caesar's dubious banker uncle Crassus, asks, “What do you think of this provocation of mine?”
Mayor Cicero hates Cesar. He quietly yells, “This man is the bane of my existence! I want him out of my life!” But Hizzoner's rebellious daughter Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel) is fascinated by the famous designer and begins a romance with him.
Since the script is the Devil's TED Talk, I hesitate to criticize the actors, however Emmanuel's miserable performance has all the emotional commitment of a McDonald's drive-thru employee at closing time.
Julia isn't the only one pining for Caesar. The troubled builder, whose wife died mysteriously years ago, is also sleeping with Vau Platinum (Aubrey Plaza), a crazy TV reporter who hosts a show called “Money Bunny.” Plaza fits into this world as well as anyone, which means she doesn't.
Caesar, jealous of his power and girlfriend, is challenged by Claudio (Shia LaBeouf), a Tybalt-type with a ponytail and eyeliner, who begins an unexpected climb. In one funny moment, Claudio wears a frock and declares, “Revenge looks best in a dress!”
Caesar also has the amazing ability to stop time, which comes across as a belated imitation of “The Matrix,” though that may be because Fishburne, as his assistant Fundy, apparently operates in Morpheus mode by default.
Caesar does his trick by simply saying, “Time stopped!” like the laws of physics are golden retrievers. Don't wrinkle your forehead thinking too much about this or anything else.
Coppola throws her bookshelves into the blender. Characters quote Petrarch and Marcus Aurelius and, in one fleeting section, speak only in Latin. A 16-year-old pop star is introduced as “New Rome's very own Vestal Virgin.”
Another unique move by the director will be a topic of discussion. The scene is fun while it lasts, but ultimately proves futile.
From start to finish, there is absolutely no art in directing, acting, writing, editing, design. The last third of the film is all about the crash of a Soviet satellite and the hostile takeover of Krassus' bank. And the last 10 minutes, from Voight's penis breaking off to the disgusting close-ups of a child, are a really bad joke.
Coppola said during a Q&A before the screening that, like “Apocalypse Now,” she hopes the film's currently tarnished reputation will improve with time.
“Every time you watch it you get more out of it,” said the director who has given us some of the best films of all time. “People love it and people hate it — that's the best reaction.”
But after watching the $120 million Rome-inspired passion project filled with Shakespeare references, Coppola's words ring very different.
At two, Brute?
