They’re not respecting their pronouns.
Having your baby call you “dada” can be demoralizing for moms, however experts say that mothers shouldn’t take it personally. This so-called discouraging word is not necessarily indicative that the tot is showing favoritism toward their fathers.
“It’s often tied to what babies are hearing the most,” Stephanie Cohen, a speech-language pathologist and author of “The I Can Say Mama Book” told Today of the seemingly mother-shunning trend.
This trend comes amid a flurry of frustrating videos depicting babies referring to their mothers as “dada” despite their best efforts.
In one TikTok video compilation with over 1.6 million views, various mothers are seen saying “mama” to their tykes in the hopes that they’ll emulate their female guardian, only for the tyke to defiantly utter “dada.”
Another, with 4 million views, shows a mom imploring her baby to “please say ‘mama,’” prompting the child to respond the same way.
And while being mis-parented can be painful for mothers, there are a variety of reasons that babies might say “dada” before “mama” that have nothing to do with parental preference.
Diane Paul, director of Clinical Issues in Speech-Language Pathology at The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association, believes that the baby in the aforementioned clip could’ve simply been asking a question rather than defying her mother’s orders.
“She sees Mama — so why ask for her? This reflects the appropriate social use of language, known as pragmatics,” the tyke translator theorized.
Meanwhile, Cohen posited that babies often hear “dada” more as their mothers tend to talk about their male partners more than themselves.
In some instances, the baby is not addressing either parent but rather testing out their mouth, per the speech pathologist, who notes that it’s natural for babies to make “D” sounds.
“Then, when a baby says ‘mama’ or ‘dada,’ that adult lights up and babies start tying meaning to that word … even if the baby was just exploring how their mouths work,” says Cohen. In other words, their so-called first words could actually be complete gibberish.
Then there’s the oft-disputed theory that “dada” is easier to say. Russian linguist Roman Jakobson found it’s simpler for tots to utter “m” (for “mama”) because they tend to do so when their mouths are suckling a bottle or a breast.
This is disputed by Breyne Moskowitz, PhD, who postulated that nasal sounds such as “m” are conversely harder to pronounce.
Either way, due to positive reinforcement, babies eventually begin to associate “dada” or “mama” with the relevant parent.
“Gradually they begin to understand through repeated experiences that when they hear these words (mama or dada), it means their favorite person,” explained Cohen. “Then, because they notice that Mama or Dada responds when they and others use those syllables … many use those words with intention to refer to or gain the attention of their Mama or Dada.”
How does one get their pride and joy to consistently say “mama?” By making the designation synonymous with fun and humor.
“While you’re drinking, take a sip (and say), ‘Mmmmm’ or … blow kisses … and make those silly raspberry noises,” Cohen instructed in an Instagram video. “Babies love the silliness of all this sound play. I also like to do this in front of a mirror because it helps baby or toddlers watch you and then look at their own lips and try to figure out how to do what you’re doing.”
Meanwhile, TikTok creator Joyce Pring devised an ingenious way to ensure her daughter’s first words were “mama” — by pointing to a picture of the girl’s dad and saying “father.“
