Some time ago I was woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of something being pushed from behind.
I was delighted to discover that the letter was from a horny friend of mine who had decided that midnight would be the perfect time for some kinky activities during our sexy slumber party.
My initial annoyance at being woken up at an inopportune moment soon subsided, as I realized I was prepared for this, too.
So the sexy pajamas were taken off (they are only worn when I have a male visitor) and off we went.
Everything was fine, but time was passing by and I was aware of the fact that I had to get up for work in a few hours and I didn’t mind getting some extra sleep.
So I summoned my inner Meg Ryan in that scene from “When Harry Met Sally” (you know the one…) and The most erotic performance of my life,
Give that girl an Oscar, because my boyfriend thought I had too many orgasms.
The truth was that I hadn't. Not even close. But I had to finish things, so I pretended to have an orgasm,
And confession: I've done this more than once.
Recently, during a flirty conversation with my friends, wherein we were talking about how useless some men are in bed and their tendency to leave us unsatisfied, I realised something that might be a little controversial – we are the ones to blame.
Yes, ladies, we should hang our heads in shame because all this pretense is harming us and our men.
Recent studies have shown that 70 percent of women Pretended to fake orgasmIt's time we put an end to this.
To be honest, we're not doing this for fun. We're doing it because we don't want to hurt men's fragile egos. Or simply because we're bored. Or because it's taking too long.
But we're actually making these people worse at sex — not better.
So, what is the solution? Instead of pretending, we need to give them positive directions.
Rather than trying to convince them that their tireless hard work is impressing us, we need to – dare I say it – hold ourselves accountable and stop encouraging poor performance.
Perhaps we try to articulate exactly what motivates us to go to bed.
A simple suggestion like “let’s try this move” or “why don’t we slow down a bit” can turn an ordinary session into a good time for all.
And the thing is, anyone who has ever experienced the mighty power of a vibrator will know that it’s actually pretty easy to reach climax, we just need to teach our men how to get us there.
Like the small tools we have in our hands, we too must guide people in the right direction.
Because let's be honest, faking an orgasm is a bit like giving someone a Michelin star for microwaving a frozen pizza — false praise that promotes mediocrity.
And here's another story for you. University of Florida psychology professor Laurie Mintz says it takes women four minutes to orgasm, so can we stop saying that the problem is that it takes us too long to orgasm?
Anyone who has used their favorite buzzing device before their alarm goes off in the morning knows just how true this statistic is.
Ultimately, by faking orgasm we're telling ourselves that the man's pleasure is more important than our own, and we can't even think that way in 2024, ladies.
So I'll keep it that way.
A football player would never be offended by his coach giving him some advice on how to improve his game. A player on the golf course would never be offended if Tiger Woods came in and gave him some advice on how to improve his swing.
So why should we be afraid to teach them how to give us a big O?
After all they are our bodies, and we know them better than anyone else. So instead of expecting them to know right away what to do, let's teach them.
Let us move towards a world where there are more orgasms.
