You’ve gotta be f—king kidding me.
I’ve just skimmed a new study from the jackasses over at WordTips that claims New York is the 17th most foul-mouthed state in the union.
Seven-motherf–king-teenth. Outrageous.
Those spreadsheet dweebs have analyzed 1.7 million geotagged tweets from the social media platform X, filtered them for swears and cluttered my g——-n inbox with their bulls—t results.
Who, do you ask, curses more than New Yorkers?
Try not to punch a wall.
No. 16 is … Delaware.
Pissant little Delaware. Population 1 million.
Huh. It must be because those bored bastards are constantly tweeting, “There’s nothing to f—king do here!”
Also shockingly ahead of New York, which boasts a city where you can’t walk a block without some a–hole screaming obscenities in your face: Alaska, Florida, Texas, California, Illinois, Michigan, Nevada, Mississippi and New Jersey.
I, for one, forcefully reject the Jersey data. It has been unfairly skewed this summer by the incompetent dips—ts over at NJ Transit.
Six is Pennsylvania. Somebody take away Josh Shapiro’s phone!
And get a load of the top five.
No. 5: Ohio.
(Why should we be punished just because a bunch of drunks misspelled “buckeye”?)
Nos. 4, 3 and 2: Virginia, Georgia and Louisiana.
(So the South is humid. Who gives a f–k?)
And No. 1: Maryland.
Excuse me? Little did I know that when I was enjoying a bushel of crabs from the Chesapeake Bay that the quietly enraged locals were tapping out curse words all day long.
Weirder still, the most profane city in the Empire State is apparently Buffalo. (The study was completed before Buffalo native Gov. Kathy Hochul spoke at the Democratic National Convention, which, fair enough, probably elicited some choice language.)
Adding insult to injury, NYC is preposterously ranked lower than Baltimore, Baton Rouge, Atlanta, Houston, Cleveland and Oakland.
Honestly, I don’t believe it. I refuse to.
Anyone who’s been to New York is well aware that we have a mouth so filthy, no amount of soap bars could ever wash it out.
Look up the movies with the most utterances of the word “f–k.” In the top six, you’ll find New York-set films “The Wolf of Wall Street,” “Uncut Gems” and “Summer of Sam.” In “Wolf,” characters say “f–k” 569 times.
NYC is famously called “a hell of a town” for God’s sake. What’s Baltimore called? Jacks–t is what.
Getting a bagel here before 11 a.m. is like walking into the barracks at Marine boot camp.
From the Staten Island Ferry to $500-a-pop Michelin-starred restaurants, f–ks fly with abandon.
The subway is worse. And I’m not even talking about the passengers. The conductors will teach you colorful phrases you didn’t even know existed.
A baby’s first word in other towns is “mamma.” Here it’s “$%^.”
Profanity wakes New Yorkers up with an angry yawn — and puts us to bed at night with a pissed-off sigh.
But I can’t totally dismiss WordTips’ twerpy charts. They did legitimately analyze and distill a trove of actual information from a huge online platform.
So, who was the cause of our state’s pitiful performance?
I blame Westchester. Pieces of s–t.
