Dear Abby: I am divorced from my ex-husband, “Paul”, 20 years ago. I never married again.
The divorce was mostly my fault because I was unfaithful. We never tried to save our marriage. They immediately began dating and married again 18 months later.
Having four children and now grandchildren, we have remained friends. I also get along with his wife.
During the pandemic, I, along with an older child, traveled across the country. Paul and his wife followed us. We live about an hour apart. As this became successful, three of our four children also came to live with us.
Over the past two years, I have realized that I miss Paul and I hope that we will be together again. (He doesn’t know this.) I have never disrespected his marriage or his current wife in any way.
They have a unique relationship as they often spend time apart from each other and travel to meet their families without each other. I think they even celebrate holidays separately sometimes.
I know this isn’t necessarily a measure of their love or commitment, but my gut tells me this is not the marriage they want people to believe.
My gut tells me he might be feeling the same way as me. I often wish he had done more to help save our marriage.
Should I tell him how I feel? I’m happy with my life, but if the opportunity presented itself so we could be together again and be the family I know God intended for us, I don’t regret saying no. any advice? -Deplorable in Alabama
Dear Regretful: Oh God, you are definitely having a selfish conversation with the God you should have been talking to before you committed adultery and destroyed your marriage.
Although it may seem unusual to you, many couples visit their families separately, and some even take short vacations if their spouse is not interested.
Do yourself a favor and look for romance elsewhere. Your ex-husband and his wife might appreciate it very much if you did this. Please think about this before embarrassing yourself.
Dear Abby: My husband had a falling out with our next door neighbor and now he doesn’t acknowledge or talk to us when we see him outside.
Our neighbor still says hello to me and my special needs daughter, but my husband doesn’t want me to respond.
He says it’s about “standing up to your man.” Is my husband right or wrong? I will follow your advice in this situation. – Good Neighbor in Ohio
Dear Neighbor: I wish you had told me how serious the disagreement was between your husband and this neighbor. Him wanting to involve you in this mess doesn’t seem very “manly” to me. Do you want to be used as ammunition? If the answer is no, and you would prefer to keep the relationship friendly (if only for the sake of your special needs daughter), then ask your husband to fight his own battles and leave you out of it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jean Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
