Here’s how to write your own blockbuster romance.
Psychologists have revealed some of the biggest things people can learn about their love lives from romantic comedies.
Eli Finkel, Northwestern University psychologist and authorAll-or-nothing marriage,” and Paul Eastwick, a social psychologist at the University of California at Davis who focuses on attraction and close relationships, studied useful relationship tips from classic rom-coms and published his findings in a new report.
“Our hope was that famous films (When Harry Met Sally, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Challengers) could serve as Trojan horses to smuggle serious ideas and scientific evidence into the public discussion about relationships,” the pair said. Told the Association for Psychological Science,
In the latest episode of Jodi’s episode, “love factually“They explain the various lessons that movies have taught them, from negative reciprocity and creating intimacy to the essentials of a relationship.
“As psychologists, we extensively study how people experience their relationships subjectively, but relationship science also extends into related social science subfields such as sociology, communication, and family studies,” he said.
One of the first lessons learned was the relationship-destroying power of negative reciprocity.
“I have to admit that I’m particularly biased.”Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind‘Seeing the movie almost saved my relationship with my then-boyfriend (now husband),’ Jessica Stillman wrote in an article Inc. opinion piece“But apparently, I’m not the only one who has had a relationship [emotional intelligence] Raised by this strange but influential film.”
In “Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind”Negative reciprocity, a dismissive exchange that receives an inconsistent response, is seen between two characters but is not encouraged if you want a healthy relationship dynamic.
Relationship experts Finkel and Eastwick warn, “If I yell and then you yell and then I attack her and so on, then we end up in a very significant fight, that kind of fight. Which, on average, predicts divorce.”
However, science proves negative reciprocity is a recipe for disaster. A recent study published in Communication Psychology, Stepping away from the argument for five minutes can help resolve the situation.
Another lesson of importance is to build intimacy through mutual self-disclosure, which can help strengthen the relationship. An example of this can be seen in “before sunrise,” where a young traveling couple named Jesse and Celine exchange intense questions and answers throughout the night.
This approach allows couples to ask each other a series of thought-provoking questions that gradually become more intimate, increasing their feelings and closeness.
“Where you say one thing and then I say another thing. And each of us in turn is stepping forward in terms of self-disclosure, sharing personal information, personal information about ourselves. This is where, on average, you find the deepest feelings of attraction and connection to each other,” the scientists continue.
Eastwick and Finkel agree that “before sunrise“Highly promoted concept demonstrated well.
He adds, “The film does a great job of having a back-and-forth, almost like a tennis match, of who is sharing personal, interesting information about themselves.”
Finally, certain behaviors should be displayed in relationships versus developing interests.
Eastwick and Finkel praised the relationship aspect of “La La Land”, which shows how a couple shaped each other over the course of their partnership.
Men say that people have a list of qualities they want in a partner, but once they find a romantic interest the list never really aligns. Instead, both will adapt to each other’s preferences.
“We think we want someone who comes pre-packaged to share our values. But it’s more useful to think about the ways that partners share and shape each other,” Eastwick and Finkel share.
For example, the couple in “La La Land” share different interests in music. Seb is fond of jazz, while Mia is not. However, the more time they spend together, she eventually becomes influenced by the musical style herself. This dynamic may have been a deal breaker in the beginning of their relationship, but it eventually panned out.
“A relationship is something that partners build together. It’s not something that can be distilled down to the characteristics of the two partners – it can be distilled down to something worth knowing in advance. By and large, it’s what the partners make of it,” Eastwick and Finkel said.
